EPISODE TWO

Meanwhile, Lavinia, now tag-free, watches "her" Alastiar from under her long lashes:

And She pounces on him one day, when he goes to wash his hands after a kitten delivery.  Mary being out at the post office, and Mrs Slag bathing the children
 

 "Alastair!", she cried, "You belong to me!  Why did you go off with that slag, Mary?"

 It was a question that Alastair could not answer himself.  Their union had been so urgent and hurried - and their "marriage" cermony rough and sordid: 

Alastair can still recall the coldness of the place (behind that fence).

 "But whatever and whyever, Miss Lav, I cannot wed you.  You're far too young!"
"Oh no!, " she cried, "I cannot be denied again!  When I am 16, we will go to my father for permission to marry!"
"erm... Make it 18", he suggested nervously.

  When Lavinia had fled back upstairs, Alastair seriously thought about the girl's proposal.  It could be possible for the two of them to have a future.  It could be a way for him to get back Upstairs, and treat Mary like a servant again. 
 

 However, Mary (back unexpectedly) heard every word.  She was not having any of this!
Alastair was hers!!
Not that spoilt blueblooded Brat's.
She devised an evil plan immediately!

Calling Alastair upstairs, she seduced him brutally and without mercy.
    

 "No Mary!  I beg you!", he cried, but it was too late!

 That night in bed, Alastair bruised and sore, Mary announced that he had made her pregnant that afternoon, and they would have to be married after all.  Properly this time.  With a Vicar and everything.

Alastair ran back upstairs (even though he wasn't really allowed up there) in tears.  However would he get away from Mary now?  He could never be with Lavinia.  He would never be Upstairs - ever again!

Meanwhile, back at the piano, Marjorie is tinkling absent-mindedly, dreaming of what might have been.  Or what will never be.






Or would it????



 

"Hello there!  My name is Lord Posh!  
 Jolly well let myself in, bally desperate to learn the piano, m'dear!  Here's a load of money!"


To say Marjorie was hit by a thunderbolt was an understatement.  
  

 And it seemed Alistair
wasn't the only one who could
see a way out of here!  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Will Marjorie use Lord Posh as a passport out of the middle class suburbs?  Did Alistair ever get to wash his hands?

Tune in same time, same channel for Episode Three!  

Don't touch that dial!!! 

Life With The Amanda Ann Family Series Two

Our First Christmas in our new reduced circumstances was pretty grim

Despite Mary's tempting
Christmas cake!








My wife Marjorie and I are struggling to make the best of a fragile marriage, but something (or someone) always seems to come between us.....

Can't think why.....

 Meanwhile, Lavinia seems to have got on her feet a bit more (well, once the tag's removed).
She went to a place in Ashford for a while with lots of other larky young girls!  Think she learnt a lot.  
The Board decided she could come back home, provided she didn't go near sharp objects: 

"Ratscocks!"

Luckily, she got her old place at Waldegrave back, and is buckling down apparently

I have to say, Marjorie really has turned a new leaf with these piano lessons.  However, I try not to hear her heavy sighs of discontent

 I also try not to notice her 
comfort eating 

 However, Marjorie is now making a big effort with her grandchild (I think)

 Which is more than can be said for that sap Alastair.  Making a new life with Mary, he truly is repenting in leisure.

 And it's no good making cow's eyes at my wife, like he did all over Christmas, she won't go near him now he's known a servant!
(husband's don't count!)

 And he no longer practises medicene, he has turned to vetinary surgery.  Relatively successful, he operates from our basement, while Mary tends to his six stepchildren.

 As for me, I've stopped watching the old box, and have become a stand-up comedian - well, a sit-down one really (guffaw!)

Got a bit of a cult following now.  Odd little chaps, but very loyal.  Wouldn't like to be alone with one of them though!

My Agent is delighted with my success.  Reckons I'll be on Mock The Week in no time!

The bookings at the Bearcat Club are rolling in!

"Just be yourself, my boy! Keep up all that stuff about sleeping with servants and your country estate, and the laughs will keep coming"

He pats me on the back.  He's a bit odd himself actually.  

There is one thing my agent doesn't approve of - with good reason actually - and this is my "business manager".  (Gay Ken from next door)
Hardly any business gets done, and we end up in bed. 

 "We can never have a future," I constantly tell him, "my life is with Marjorie and Lavinia"

"They will be welcome in our new lives, Paul.  We have to stop living a lie!"
My answer is always the same:  No.

"One day, you will be mine all mine!  Cackle, Cackle!"

 Bit worried about him, actually.


End of Part One (series two)
Next week:  Marjorie encounters a thunderbolt, and Lavinia propositions Alastair.  

Same time, same channel .....  
 

Part Nine

There is much tension in the Amanda Ann drawing room tonight.  

 Paul began to yearn for the E! Channel

However, the next day, when Paul went out for a kebab, there came an unannounced visitor:

 "Marjorie, my love " Alistair choked "I can no longer wait.  I have packed your bag, as I cannot live without you!"
Marjorie sighed, and pondered on her failure to seduce her enstranged husband:
"Oh, I suppose you're right.  What am I doing just sitting around on this plastic chair?  And, by the way, I need a bigger suitcase than that!"

Lavinia (who had heard every word) tore in and threw herself at Alistair's feet:
"No!  No!  Alistair is mine!  You cannot take him away from me, Mother! (I hate you)"

Alistair and Marjorie are horrified:
"Lavinia, please!  Tell your mother there was never anything between us!"
But she rushes away tearfully

"Marjorie, my love, please believe me, I have never laid a hand on that sweet girl."
Marjorie knows Alistair to be telling the truth, and agrees to meet him that night outside Superdrug.  
She will tell Paul and Lavinia after supper, perhaps they would both be better off without her, if she was causing that much misery.

So later that evening, Marjorie tearfully drops her bombshell to Paul (and the dog).  Lav being out at a gangfight.

"No", says Paul firmly.
"What?", Marjorie splutters
This was not her ineffectual husband speaking!

"You're not going off with that Quack!"
"How dare you!", Marjorie spluttered.  No-one, but no-one told her what to do - (until now)

"Marjorie", Paul said patiently, "Alistair was a bloody useless country doctor.  I've lost count of how many servants we lost through him!  Two minutes round here, and he'll be struck off faster than you can say Malpractice!  Then what will you do?"

"True love will find a way," she protested sniffily.

"I quite agree, but that love should be used here - in your home, Marjorie.  Where it's needed the most.   You've returned to the nest, don't fly away again.  Stop chasing some dream, Marjorie, make the most of your new home."

"What's more.  We can give love and support to our daughter.  Get her away from those dreadful girls and keep her on the straight and narrow.  With the two of us here for her, she'll come round."

 "And what am I  supposed to do in this dreadful little house?"
"Piano lessons", Paul said, "I've been thinking about this for a while.  You're a bloody awful player, but you know your stuff."  

"Oh, alright.", Marjorie groaned, "but what about poor Alistair?"
"Oh him!  I've sent Mary up to Superdrug to tell him to fuck off!"

"Little did Marjorie know, Lavinia wasn't the only one who had their eyes set on Alistair.  
With his heartbreak, and love of cake, it was inevitable that he and Mary would walk off into the sunset.
She already planning her next pregnancy.
I give it a week."

"And that, as they say, was that.  Or was it?"







That very same night, Mrs Slag announced a visitor:

 

"Then show them in, my good woman.", I said cheerfully, expecting the Police to be bringing Lavinia home again.  Nice chaps they were, but hopefully, it would be their last visit"

"But no...."

 

"Hi.  My name's Ken (from next door).  I'm gay.  Aren't you?"

"My word!  I was struck by a thunderbolt!"

   "So it was like this:  Did I want this....?"

 "Or did I want this....?"

 "Well, there you are.  Just when things are being put to bed - ooh, that was a freudian slip!"

"So now you know all about us.  Tune in for our Christmas Special coming shortly!"

"Goodnight and God Bless"

The End (or is it?)