The Amanda Ann Family Show - Part Four

Mary was not pleased to see the father of her children lounging around like Lord Muck in her employer's home. 

 "Ai say, servant!", he began, "Some Vienetta if you please"

 "Shut yer cake'ole!  You sound ridiculous!"
"I'm posh now, don't you know - what? Gonna marry the daugther (when she's 18)"

Mary ignored the last comment. 
 

 "And I don't suppose it's occurred to you to visit your children at the local borstal!
Some father you are!  And now, you're about to start another one!"

 "Naw!", the young man explained, "She just said that to piss off 'er old man.  Matter of fact, she's on the Blob, and gone out wiv 'er mum to get Tampax and that"

 "So," Melvin leered, "Why don't we get ourselves up those old stairs?  That's wot toffs do, don't they?  They shag the servants.  It's their right and that."

 "Oh, Master Melvin!  Were they YOUR balls I just put my knee in?!  An' have some fuckin' cake while you're at it!"

 The young gun crawled in agony through the house.  "I'll have you sacked, my girl!  Pack yer bags this instant!"
"Bollocks!", Mary replied. 

 Melvin found his potential father-in-law, and explained about the servant's insubordination.
Paul sneered.  "Oh, you mean the mother of your children.  Now do be quiet, man, Breaking Bad is about to start"

"Breaking Bad?  I LOVE Breaking Bad, me.  I mean, Yo!"
"Extraordinary!  Yes, it's about two chaps cooking or something.  Are they about to open a restuarant then?"

 

And Melvin patiently explained to the older toff about drugs and crystal meth and that.

"Fascinating.", Paul replied, and began to enjoy the companionship of male company as they sat down to watch this notorious American series together.    The Son he had never had.

  Meanwhile, Lord Posh, listening outside the door, was not happy with all this caper.  Especially the male bonding, and he vowed he would oust out that little oik if it was the last thing he did!  

Lord Posh turn nasty?  Surely not!

Whatever will the lovable old rogue stoop to?

 

Tune in same time, same channel 

Dont' touch that dial!

 

 

The Amanda Ann Family show part Three

"Who the hell painted these bannister's pink?!"

 I was not in the best frame of mind.

 

 I tried to kick the cat (but without success)

My wife sighed impatiently:

"We chose the colour together, Paul.  For God's sake, we're all worried about Lavinia, don't take it out on us!"

 

 "Now, why don't you go out for a nice walk?

 And take Mara with you"
My wife had a strange relationship with my current lover/friend.  

 So to please my nagging wife, me and Mara entered into the great outdoors.
I strode on, regardless.
"Puff!", said Mara
"Don't call ME a puff!  Oh, I see....by the way, Mara, you can be a producer.  Apparently, you have to sleep with several people first.  I've got a list on me."
Mara brightened at this prospect.  Was the whole world sex-mad?, I pondered gloomily.

 Marjorie and Lord Posh sneaking out to some Gin Palace in Soho, Mara and I crept home.  

Tea was served.  "For Gods sake, Mara, I can't eat Mary's cake all on my own.  Sit down please."

Mara came over and held me.  She told me that Lavinia would be alright, and that she would come home when she was ready.   So how about she help me find that list?  We melted into each other, the cake forgotten. 

"Phew!  That was wonderful, Mara.  I shall miss you."
Mara didn't argue.  We both knew that that would be the last time.  Now she had that list, there was no stopping her.  Such spunk, that girl.  
Suddenly, the front door opened.  We sat up abruptly:

 It was my little girl, returned to the fold.  Only she had a rather unsavoury accessory with her.
"Oh papa!  You're not Doing It with one of those horrid servants again, are you?!"

"Don't you talk to me like that, my girl!"
Now I was really incensed, "Where have you been for the past five days?!"

 "Melvin and I have eloped!  And I'm carrying his child!  (again)"
"Aaarrgh", I replied.

Has the evil Melvin bewitched our Lavinia once again?  Has he really got his feet under the table now?  How will Paul tell Marjorie?
Will Mara get to the top of the list?

Tune in, same time, same channel....
Don't touch that dial!!

The Amanda Ann Family Show part Two

Of course, there had been things.....

 Such as Lavinia's increasing coldness to her much older fiancee....

 .... and no more nightly visits to her bedchamber.







So, late the next evening, I set my own little trap, and awaited in anticipation.

 And my patience rewards me, as they both climb the stairs to Lavinia's room.

 "Papa!", Lavinia exclaimed, horrified.
"Awright, mate?", Melvin greeted me cockily

"Lavinia, off to bed.", I said calmly
"Papa!  You don't understand!", she shrieked.
"Oh I think I do.  Come and join me in the conservatory, Melvin.", I said quite amiably.

 I smiled warmly at the boy, but my eyes stayed cold.  
"Got a fag, mate?", Melvin ventured
"No.", I said, "Now, Melvin, what's it going to be then, eh?  A rifle up the jacksey, or a bashing from Mrs Slagg?  Which one will make you run faster?"
"Oi!  Mr AA!  I'm a good boy, I am!"
"Fuck off," I said calmly.  And he did just that.  

 Lavinia did not take this very well.

And brutally broke off her engagement with our closest friend.

So that night, Lord Posh and I raided the Gin and got hammered (Marjorie already passing out).

 And Lord Posh ended up in bed with Mary....

And I, with Mara 
(weekend visit)

 Marjorie, upon coming to, simply smirked.
Better the devil you know, and all that.






But where was Lavinia......?!

Gasp!  Surely she hasn't eloped with that Melvin?!

Will Lavinia's parents ever find her?  Will Marjorie ever be sober?  What has that fiend Melvin, done with little Lavinia?!

Don't miss the next gripping installment.  Tune in, same time, same channel....


For blogs and interviews with these static stars, click the link below:
 lifewiththeamandaannfamily.weebly.com

The Amanda Ann Family Show - Series Four

Part One

What ho!  Simply spiffing to be back - and welcome to Series Four.  Topping news!  Lord Posh managed to wangle more money from our former estate.  Decided to invest it into a super terraced house in the next road!

 Worth 2 million, what?  We couldn't even give these labourers cottages away at our old place!  Still, good schools and all that.  Extraordinary these middle classes!  

Neighbours look a bit dodgy though!
 

 I'd show you round but I can't get into the fucking thing.  1/24th scale and all that, what?

Have decided to offer it to Mr and Mrs Slagg.  Can't keep having them bunking down in the old garden shed - arf!  arf!

 Marjorie, meanwhile, horrified at having to discuss servant's welfare, stays well out of it.  She simply grills Mary on where I've hidden the gin.

 I suspect that Mrs Slagg is far more enthusiastic about the new place, than her partner.  

 "Does it have to be so fuckin' pink?", was all he uttered.  
I think the impending commitment to Mrs Slagg is the real bete noir.  Them not being married yet and all that.  

 Meanwhile, my pilot TV show has been well received.  BBC has made the highest offer so far.  

Then my fortune downturned:

 Looking out at the evening sun, before relenting and giving Marjorie her gin, I saw something I didn't want to see:

 And what I suspected all along......
Melvin and Lavinia together again.  


Will Paul be able to nip this in the bud?  Will Lord Posh turn nasty?  Will Marjorie ever get her gin back?  

Tune in to part Two, same time, same channel....

Don't touch that dial .....


For more of these great actors, click on this link - 
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