The Amanda Ann Family Show episode Ten

Marjorie awoke from her drunken slumber to see her husband sobbing before her:

 Then she saw Lord Posh lying there next to her. 
"Paul", she said softly, "It's not what you think."

 Lord Posh, once awoken, also did his best to dissuade his (disgraced) best friend that this was all above board. 
"Had too much Dubonnet, old chap!  Bally passed out.  That was all.  Don't sleep with other men's wives, you know that."

Paul dried his tears:
"Th - then I'm not too late?"

"Hmph!  Will have to think about that one!", Marjorie scowled.
"However, there is some good news.  I was going to write and tell you, but now you're actually here..."

""

"Paul," Marjorie said dramatically, "May I announce our darling daughter's engagement to Lord Posh!"

Their daughter engaged to a roughish, yet lovable, toff!  Paul had never been so happy!  And to think he had nearly thrown it all away!

Krista actually got it together with Hamish of all people!  Especially as he had landed a slot on Sunday evenings on ITV.  Presenting a show called "Hamish Repents" 

  

Paul felt nothing for the gold-digging little trollop, but Marjorie said the couple could come round anytime.  (She missed the Swedish minx in a weird way, and she could stop Mrs Slagg whinging about bloody herrings!)

 

 

 Paul and Marjorie held a huge engagement party and toasted the happy couple.  Lavinia looked radiant, and Lord Posh, although slightly distressed at hearing he had a ready-made child in the social system, was too much in love with his fiancee to really make an issue of it.

 

  Well, that seems to be it for now.  Will Lavinia make a good wife?  (When she's 21, that is).  Will Mary be pregnant by the Texan?  Will Marjorie ever forgive Paul?  And will Paul's and Hamish's shows go head to head on the ratings front?  

You may now touch that dial!!!!

The Amanda Ann Family show episode Nine

Paul was appalled at Marjorie's behaviour, and he and Krista were leaving the family home:

Like most of these things, it was all quite civilised.

 "Well, goodbye, Paul." said Marjorie, "And thank you for such a shit marriage!  And you'd better take that scrubber, Costa or Starbucks, whatever her name is, with you."

"Ha ha!", Paul said stiffly, "Very funny, Marjorie.  This is what you do after Krista opened her heart to you."

"Opened her legs more like," Marjorie said, having to have the last word.

 There were tears from the other members of the house, but Marjorie was certain they weren't for bloody Paul!  

Marjorie was truely alone.  She had never been anything but a wife, now she was lost, though strangely at peace, after all that fighting.

 However, she reckoned without the charming companionship of Lord Posh every evening.  Appalled at Paul's behaviour, he became a good and close friend - with no hanky-panky.

 He was feeling pretty abandoned himself, what with Mary packing him up for a (visiting) Texan!

 His friendship with the doe-eyed Lavinia also deepened.

Meanwhile, things were not going so well for Paul.  In their little love nest in Shepherds Bush, Krista became shrewish and nagging.  She resented Paul's pilot show, and demanded to play a part in it!  But Paul didn't have that sort of pull - yet.

He began to yearn for Marjorie's elegant sighs of discontent.  "Accidentally" walking past his old home one evening, he saw his wife laughing and joking with Lord Posh.  How could they have so much fun without him ?!

 And that night, he began to realise that Krista only reminded him of Marjorie when she was younger.


He left her a note while she slept, and crept off into the night
 

 

He legged it as fast as he could to Twickenham, and his old Dad let him in

"Oh please don't let me be too late!", he puffed.

But when he got to his former bedchamber:
 

"Ah no!  I am too late!", Paul sobs, 
"I've ruined everything !"

 


Has the silly sod really blown everything?  Or is this just a phase?  
Or has Marjorie actually given him the elbow, in favour of Lord Posh?  And will the Texan be able to impregnate Mary before he's deported? 

Tune in same time, same channel to see the final gripping episode of The Amanda Ann family show.

Don't touch that dial!!!

 

The Amanda Ann Family show Episode Eight

Life had not been too good to Hamish, since he'd been booted out of Vicar college

 He took to dossing outside the Amanda Ann family home - where he'd once been so wanted

 On the side, Mrs Slagg and Mary slipped him a cake or two

Marjorie saw them, but said nothing










Then one day, she confronted him herself:

"Good morning, Hamish.  How are you?"
"Jings lassie!  You're not gonna kick me in the marriage furniture again, are you?!"

"Oh, I do feel bad about that", Marjorie demurred, "Lets get you cleaned up, and er- talk about old times."

And as he bathed his toned body clean, Marjorie plied him with their best wine

"ai think I'm a bit too sozzled, Hen, for any love action!"

"Yes," Marjorie said, "We'll get you to bed - to sleep, that is"



Later on, Marjorie sent Mary to Superdrug, Lavinia to a sleepover and Mrs Slagg to Saw 3 at the multiplex.
Paul tied up at the studio with his Pilot show, the two "wives" were alone in the house.  Krista crept around nervously:

 "Oh, do join me for afternoon tea, Krista my dear"  Marjorie called after the jumpy Swede

"Oh, that would be so nice, Marjorie.  I've longed to talk to you.  You see, Paul really can love us both"
"Yes", Marjorie smiled tightly, "now do drink your tea."

After one cup, Krista suddenly felt sleepy.
"You look tired, my dear." Marjorie said,  "Do go up to my bed and have a lie-down.  It's not like you haven't been on it before!"
Krista groggily thanked her, and headed for the master bedroom. 

Marjorie quickly threw the rest of the sleeping draught into the fish tank.  Then waited patiently for her husband to come home.

"What-ho, Marjorie!  What a swine of a day!  It's not easy all that television nonsense!"
"Oh really?"
Marjorie sympathised.
"Er - where's Krista?"
"The poor lamb was so tired.  I sent her upstairs for a lie-down"
"That's the spirit, Marjorie, I knew you'd get the hang of this polygamy thing."

But Paul was in for a shock!  
"Oh my God!"

Krista woke up groggily, and found herself next to an unconcious Hamish
"Paul, my darling, I can explain...."


"Oh God!  Why him ?"
Paul had taken this very badly indeed

Marjorie sat at the foot of the stairs, cackling to herself.  Any minute, she'd see that bitch's suitcase come down the stairs

And she did, but Paul was alongside it!

"Marjorie!  Krista told me how you tricked her!  How could you?!"


Bugger, Marjorie thought, the honey-voiced Swede had obviously talked him round.


"Well, you got your way!  Krista is leaving!

 

"And I'm going with her!"

Is this really the end of Paul and Marjorie?  The Amanda Ann Family as We know it?  

Don't miss the gripping penultimate episode nine....

Same time, same channel....

Don't touch that dial!!!!

 

The Amanda Ann Family Show Episode Seven

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Marjorie is taking comfort from Mrs Slagg in the kitchen.

"It's one of them mid-life crises, Ma'am.  He'll get over it!  Charlie gets loads of 'em, don't you, Charlie?"
She gestured to her boyfriend standing before her (Paul's true father).
"Why, if Charlie went off with another gal, you'd soon change your mind, wouldn't you, Charlie?"

 "Er - yeah", he mumbled.

Secretly he thought the new mistress was smashing, and had been more civil to him than his daughter-in-law had ever been.

At first, Marjorie's allies worked hard and dilligently to protect her territory:

 Mary "accidently" spilt drink over Krista seven times in one cake serving.
"Please be more careful, Mary.", Marjorie had smirked.

 And Mrs Slagg "managed" to ruin Krista's silk panties in a 90 degree wash!

Paul was particularly furious about this!

 Lavinia (escaping from Christian camp), took a less subtle approach, and kicked the husband-nabbing swede brutally in the vagina!
"Goal!", Mary had shouted.

 There was to be no action for the "newly-weds" that evening!

 Marjorie, herself, did nothing.  Softly, softly and all that.



Krista would try to talk to Marjorie, who would clam up and snub the bitch.
She was not having any of it!

Sadly, the tide soon turned:

 Krista cured Mary of her terror of the washing machine.  And showed her what you really put in it.  Teaching the young skivvy to love and embrace her new kitchen (like they did in Sweden and that)

 And Krista showed Mrs Slagg things to do with a herring that she had only ever dreamt of!  

 And despite the eight year age difference, Krista became the sister Lavinia had never had.   Talking about chaps, make-up and all that sort of thing.

So the wall came tumbling down pretty fast.  Marjorie should have known she'd never have a chance against someone like Krista.  However:

 Marjorie held a cunning plan up her sleeve.  One that would send the unwelcome Scandanavian packing - for Good!!!

Will Marjorie's extraordinary and outrageous plan ever work?  Will Mrs Slagg ever be able to pickle a herring?
Will Mary ever do a full washload?  And at what temperature?

Don't miss the next gripping installment, same time, same channel.
Don't touch that dial!!

For an exclusive interview with the wonderful Lord Posh, click the link below:

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