Well, Melvin walked out of our lives as quickly as he walked in...
Or slumped out, rather...
And Poshie has a new filly, a mature, if fading, pop cum movie star.
We're talking about a spot on my TV show. Well, we'll see....
Meanwhile Lav's moved her lesbian lover in.
Stroppy old thing. Quite militant. And they're always in the bloody bedroom! No! I don't want to know!
On the whole, life was peaceful again. However there was one more score to settle....
At the end of a late summer evening, in the television room, I said to Marjorie softly: "Time for bed, my love."
"Oh what ho! Goodnight then. I'll turn off the lights when I come up"
"No, my sweet," I said gently, "I meant together."
Marjorie froze in horror, but she knew I was right. It was the only thing to do if we were going a make a go of this marriage.
We rushed like billy-o to the sitting room. Marjorie promptly necked a bottle of Gin, where I put away twenty Craven A.
"We'll just go to bed like always, Marjorie, - only this time, with each other", I laughed nervously.
"Paul?," Marjorie asked through a fug of Gin
"Yes, my pet?"
"Have we moved house again?"
"Oh yes, my dear. That nice Director General at the BBC bought it for me.
They carried you in here last week.
Decent chap. Pleased with the old show, what?
So get lots of gladrags, Marjorie, nothing but showbiz dinners from now on."
Marjorie sighed with contentment.
By the time we got into bed after lots of talking, Marjorie fell into a drunken slumber, and I had a chesty cough.
"We'll Do It later, my pet", I said
"Much later," she murmered, a smile on her beautiful face.
So there you have it. You have been with us through both good times, and bad times. Mainly Bad.
Now the road generally seems clear for the Amanda Ann's.
However, watch this space, we haven't quite finished yet!
Thank you for watching The Amanda Ann Family Show.
You may now touch that dial!!!!
"Oh, hello there, Poshie", the strange couple said.
"Well, m'boy," Lord Posh addressed Melvin, "Can you explain yourself?"
"Ummm...", said the young gun, backing into the wall.
"Perhaps you'd like to start by explaining to the Amanda Ann's the exact name of the Borstal you attended?!"
"Umm.... Eton.", the youth muttered
"Oh, spiffing!", I chimed in. "My old place! Is Basher Harris the PE master still there?"
But I was silenced with a Look.
"So," Lavinia (having heard every word) said,
"You're a Toff."
Her voice dripped disgust and betrayal.
"Naw, Lav babe, listen!"
said the youth, trying to dig his way out of a never-ending hole.
"Look who he's skyping." Lord Posh said quietly, resting his case.
"No, babe!" Melvin shouted desperately.
"I'm just mates wiv his brother! We help his grandad stop saying rude things to Chinese people and that."
By now, Melvin was in a very deep hole indeed.
"Bugger off, Melvin!
I hate you sooo much!!!"
The young, unlucky-in-love pampered princess screamed.
After a brief embarassed silence, Melvin's posh dad cleared his throat:
"Well, we best be off, old boy. Unearned income doesn't collect itself and all that."
Marjorie, suddenly very sorry to see Melvin go, sat forlornly in the music cum dining room, when Lady Bragg approached her:
"Goodbye Marjorie. Your house is charming. Will you come for tea on Thursday? Our address is number 7, Mayfair."
Marjorie glowed, and agreed instantly.
She was finally back on home ground.
As Melvin walked out of our lives, Poshie turned to his former fiancee;
"I'm sorry I had to do that to you, my sweet. It was for the best."
"That's alright, Poshie," Lavinia said,
"It wouldn't have worked out anyway. Nor would it with you.."
"You see, Poshie, I've become a Lesbian!"
Surely not our Lavinia?
Has she really gone the other way?
Will Lord Posh never get his hands on her again?
Don't miss the final installment! Same time, same channel!
Do not Touch that dial!!!!
For more insight into The Amanda Ann Family, interviews and that, click on this :lifewiththeamandaannfamily.weebly.co.uk
That night, in his luxurious Mayfair flat, Lord Posh slept fitfully. Where had he seen that boundah Melvin before?
Stumbling down to breakfast, it suddenly came to him - yes, of course!!
Before Lord Posh could burst into the Amanda Ann household unannounced, Melvin and Paul were having intense Breaking Bad talk. The elder of the men trying not to admit he was enjoying himself. After a lifetime in a household of women......
" 'Scuse me, Majorie old gal", Poshie puffed as he burst through the door, "need to use your telephone...."
"Er - yes, Poshie, if you so wish.", Marjorie answered, bemused.
After a brief conversation, he gathered Paul and Marjorie together:
"What the hell is going on, chum?" Paul enquired.
"I have taken the liberty of inviting round Melvin's parents!", the pintsized, blueblooded toff announced.
"What....?", said Melvin, overhearing from the top of the stairs, his acned face contorted with panic!
"Oh no!," Marjorie exclaimed,
"We'd better lock away the (remaining) silver!"
"Oh, that won't be necessary, my dear."
The doorbell chimed:
"Mary!", Lord Posh commanded, "Answer the door!"
Mary did as her former lover required, then nearly dropped the cake!
Surely not.....
Two imposing figures entered the modest hallway.
"Good day to you. We believe our son Melvin is here."
"Good Grief!," Melvin's potential father-in-law exclaimed in a bemused fashion, "Your parents are posh!!!"
Whatever is the meaning of this? Melvin not being common after all!!!
Tune in same time, same channel to reveal the truth about the pimpled young rogue.
Don't touch that dial!!!
